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Combat For Dummies

August 12, 2007

It’s been awhile since we had a little humor in the mix, so when I ran across this again, I figured that I’d share it here. I thought it was funny the first time I read it and still think it’s hilarious. Enjoy!

Advice and instructions taken from actual military sources. Some of these guys must have had a sense of humor

“Aim towards the enemy.”
–Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher

“When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.”
–U.S. Marine Corps

“Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.”
–USAF Ammo Troop

“If the enemy is in range, so are you.”
–Infantry Journal

“A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.”
–Army’s magazine of prevention maintenance

“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.”
–U.S. Air Force manual

“Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo.”
–Infantry Journal

“Tracers work both ways.”
–U.S. Army Ordnance

“Five-second fuses only last three seconds.”
–Infantry Journal

“Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.”
–David Hackworth

“If your attack is going too well, you’re walking into an ambush.”
–Infantry Journal

“No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.”
–Joe Gay

“Any ship can be a minesweeper….once.”
–Anon

“Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do.”
–Unknown Marine Recruit

“Don’t draw fire; it irritates the people around you.”
–Infantry Journal

“If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.”
–USAF Ammo Troop

Written by Terri · Filed Under Humor, Military 

Comments

5 Responses to “Combat For Dummies”

  1. Airborneparainf82 on August 12th, 2007 1:46 pm

    yes these are quite funny! I’ve always like the slipping gear m203 one. haha, thanks for the smile! :)

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  2. Terri on August 12th, 2007 2:03 pm

    My pleasure! Just figured it doesn’t hurt to have a laugh every once in awhile.

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  3. ChrisG on August 13th, 2007 11:59 am

    You Might be a Tanker, If. . .
    1. You’ve ever been fined for riding with your head sticking out your car’s sun roof.
    2. Your wife complains because the kitchen junk drawer is full of MILES keys and heater parts.
    3. You giggle when your hunting buddies talk about the awesome stopping power of the . 308 Winchester.
    4. You named your son Roger.
    5. You drive a ‘59 Caddy because you like “the feel of a lot of American iron. ”
    6. You announce “On the way!” before you break wind.
    7. Instead of meeting you at the door with a cold beer after work, your wife meets you with a can of degreaser and orders to strip before you touch the furniture.

    8. After returning from the field it takes you a while to get used to food without the “diesel smoked” flavor.
    9. After sex you make your wife wipe down the breech.
    10. When you go duck hunting you give your dog the command “ducks! left duck!”
    11. You’ve ever referred to an infantryman as a crunchie.
    12. When buying a new car you make the salesman lay out the BII.
    13. During intercourse you announce “On the way.”
    14. You refer to General Patton as Him.
    15. You refer to the Gulf War as “The big one of 91.”
    16. You think of ground troops as a speed bump.
    17. You think bad sex may just be a boresight problem.
    18. You consider a sand table exercise as a middle east deployment.
    19. You wish your car came with “neutral steer”.
    20. You consider a hasty defense just aiming the gun.
    21. When working on your car you fill out a DA 2404.
    22. A pillow is nice, but a CVC is better.
    23. You think 19Kilo should be 19Sweep.
    24. You wish your POV had Tac Idle.
    25. You get mad when NOMEX is refered to as the tanker suit.
    26. You volunteer to fuel up a car.
    27. You have a BBQ and invite all three of your friends.
    28. You rank monster trucks between a Bradley and a M1 tank.
    29. You carry a tanker bar in your POV.
    30. You think hot spots are targets, not clubs.
    31. You wish Suburbans weren’t so expensive.
    32. Before your son/daughter can use your car they must complete a request for dispatch.
    33. You think PT means Persona Training.
    34. You always set 4 places at the dinner table.
    35. You don’t buy gas for your car, instead you “top off”
    36. Your kids call the sandbox “NTC”.
    37. Your older kids call the youngest one “Cherry”.
    38. When your family gets together you call them “Slice Elements”.
    39. Your dog’s name is Sabot.

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  4. Terri on August 13th, 2007 12:06 pm

    LMAO! Love it Chris! Thanks for the laughs!

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  5. CavMom on August 13th, 2007 2:59 pm

    Chris that is too funny. I am sending it to my brother.

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