Beef Jerky Wars Are Back!!!!

July 8, 2007

Those of you who’ve been perusing the MilBlog scene for awhile will probably rebember the famous Beef Jerky wars that went on back in 2005, when J.P from issued a list of rules for supporters, on his last deployment. In that list of rules was one stating:

For new readers and supporters, every little bit of support helps. Honestly, you could mail me a bag of garbage and I’d find something useful for it. And by garbage, I mean care packages with Word Finds, beef jerky, and magazines dated back to 1980 in them. Sorry, but it’s true. Beef jerky is garbage.

That started a huge war amongst MilBloggers, with Andrew and Mustang23 on one side, starting a Bloggers For Beef Jerky, site and JP and CJ over at starting a site as well called, Beef Jerky For Dummies as an anti-beef jerky site. Of course all of the readers became involved and we had a blast with it. This is J.P.’s announcement of the Beef Jerky Wars beginning again in earnest along with the originial reasonings that Beef Jerky was a “Bad idea” for care packages. As you can tell, J.P. has a wonderfully funny, crazy and sarcastic sense of humor.

Welcome to Beef Jerky for Dummies

Some poor uninformed souls have formed a gang to try to sway public opinion in the fight against beef jerky. This blog is to counter the misinformation they are feeding to an unsuspecting and trusting public. One can only wonder whose influences have shaped the techniques they use and what other sites they are running while “remaining unanimously anonymous”.

If you are here reading this post, that means you too have decided to join in the struggle to defeat one of the fiercest foes our military faces in Iraq, Afghanistan and other far flung lands. Yes, I am speaking of the scourge that is beef jerky. We welcome the chance to fight and know that victory will be ours. Truth will prevail.

On behalf of the staff and contributers to Beef Jerky for Dummies, thank you for visiting and for supporting the cause.


We’re Back
July 6, 2007
We thought for awhile that our efforts had successfully killed any desire by the American populace to send this hideous snack food to our Troops overseas. One can only conclude that America is indeed invested in failure and looking to find any means necessary to demean and demoralize our troops by sending copious amounts of Beef Jerky to “the box”.

Well, we here at Beef Jerky For Dummies can no longer stand by in silence while this degradation of morale justice continues. Save a cow, send Tootsie Rolls!!

Well J.P. is deployed once again and one of his former allies has now helped to resurrect the Beef Jerky Wars. J.P. has now issued a new “Golden Rules For Care Packages.

The Golden Rules of Care Packages (New and Improved!)
Thursday, July 5, 2007, 12:30 PM
I recently revised the Golden Rules of Care Packages because I know my readers always enjoy a good laugh. Either at my expense, or theirs. The only real point to this list, is to have a laugh. So, keep that in mind if you choose to read on. Me, personally, I love each and every care package I receive. But shenanigans like this, is what usually gets me in trouble with readers, so hopefully you have a sense of humor before reading this. Or, a tall glass of wine.

And so, without further ado…

1. Do not send party invitations for weddings or Independence Day or any other festivities while we are deployed. Probably, because we can’t attend. Anybody who sends a party invitation to a deployed soldier is clearly retarded.

2. Do not continue to write a soldier, when the soldier never writes you back. If you really want attention that bad, jump off a building.

3. The meanest thing you can do to a soldier is to send generic, not name brand goods. Hey, I like to save money too, but you should at least have the decency “to not” send care packages. Sending generic brand goods is worse than taking a dump in a cardboard box and shipping it over.

4. No more magazines dated back to 1980. It’s not like anybody is actually going to read them. I know vacuum cleaners with better Care Package sense than you.

5. Don’t ever send school supplies unless we ask. Most soldiers don’t like to criticize care packages, but you could send over a box of deadly scorpions or feces, and that would be the best package you’ve ever sent. Yes, seriously.

6. Do not send a typed written letter about your personal life to a soldier. It doesn’t matter if you’re Elvis Presley back from the dead or the first person to ride a unicorn. Receiving a typed letter about your personal life is the lowest form of support known to a soldier.

7. Don’t shop at the Dollar Store for your soldier. I’m sure it sounds great when you tell your family and friends that you support the troops by sending care packages, but if you’re shopping at the Dollar store, you’re probably worse off than we are. Please, send us the mailing address to the bridge you live under, and we’ll try and help.

8. If it’s not electronic, sometimes (ok, almost always), it’s not worth sending. I’m convinced 99% of what people send us is garbage. I haven’t seen a soldier yet, complain about receiving an iPod in the mail. I’m just saying.

9. Do not send crossword puzzles. Or word finds. It’s a sure way to disappoint a soldier when they open the Care Package. I’ve seen people who were punched in the face repeatedly; look much happier than soldiers who opened care packages with Crossword Puzzles.

10. Don’t tell a soldier that you understand what he or she is going through because your neighbor’s cousin, who has a sister, who has a brother, knows somebody who was deployed. It’s a sure way of having your care package transformed into a kicking ball. Or, a smoking pile of ash.

CJ has sent out an email letting us all know that JP has now declared that the Beef Jerky Wars are back in full swing. Patriot made a post announcing the new Beef Jerky Wars at ASP. If you’d like to participate and contribute to the cause of FLOODING J.P. and other members of Bad Voodoo Platoon with Beef Jerky, Word Searches and 1980 era magazines, please email me, , and we can make arrangements for you to send it to me, to forward on to J.P. I’m sure that this renewed Beef Jerky war will be as much fun as the last one in 2005! Let’s have FUN with this and see how much Beef Jerky we can send to the Bad Voodoo Platoon!


7 Responses to “Beef Jerky Wars Are Back!!!!”

  1. University Update - Iraq - Beef Jerky Wars Are Back!!!! on July 8th, 2007 8:51 am

    [...] House Link to Article iraq Beef Jerky Wars Are Back!!!! » Posted at A Soldier’s Mind on Sunday, [...]

  2. Terri on July 8th, 2007 12:03 pm

    Damn! I’ve got to find a bigger box. Went to the store to add to what I had for JP’s care package and now I have more than the box will hold. :-(

  3. Tracy on July 9th, 2007 4:38 pm

    LOL Terri, I’ve so done that before (with the box)!!

    Also, I’ve actually sent a bunch of beef jerky to soldiers, because they ask for it!!!! ;)

    Apparently, they are the minority? lol

  4. Terri on July 9th, 2007 4:43 pm

    Actually no, I’ve been doing troop support stuff for about the last 8 years and every single group I’ve had has ALWAYS asked for Beef Jerky. I think perhaps that JP and his minions are in the minority. hehehehehe

  5. Tracy on July 9th, 2007 8:55 pm

    LOL Terri, good to know b/c I was scratching my head at that one. Although I have had a few soldiers pass on the jerky, but it seems to be popular with the infantry guys~easy food to pack in the pockets when out and about.

  6. Terri on July 10th, 2007 4:11 am

    Yes it really is Tracy. JP has got to be one of the most sarcastic guys I know when it comes to sense of humor. He’s a nut for sure!

  7. A Soldier’s Mind » Bad Voodoo’s War on March 30th, 2008 1:01 am

    [...] last deployment in Afghanistan called the National Guard Experience. Many of us took part in the Beef Jerky Wars that got started after J.P. made his infamous post outlining the Golden Rules of Care [...]

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